I can't.

I can't do this anymore. I can't try to diet and try to workout to lose weight to fit in a dress. I would love to just go back to downtown and get the more appropriate size but I don't think there is enough time. I don't get it. The bust fit me perfectly fine at the store..but the one that they had made? Doesn't fit. I tried switching with one of the other girls because I thought she would fit it better than me (she seems a lot smallerr than me!) but I guess she didn't fit..? And then she got angry? I think. I don't blame her; I would be, too, if some girl took my dress.

So, not only am I not going to fit in with everyone else, I'm not going to fit into my dress either. I'm going to look fat and gross. I know the night isn't about me at all; I fully understand that. But I still want to look at least decent. And if I decide to turn the dress into something else so I can wear it more than once? This eighty-dollar dress is an investment, not just a dress for special occasions. I'm already f-ed with lack of money. I have to make this dress worth it. Because no matter how much the night is not about me, the preparation for the night to be a success has really f-ed me over with family stress and problems.

I can't lose weight. I've been dieting for two weeks now (although, there were a few momentary lapses but my overall calorie and carbohydrate intake has considerably decreased). How much have I lost? Well, let's just say that the max weight that I fluctuate to has only decreased about four pounds.

I have a nice body. I have the "desired hourglass body shape." I just have excess fat that doesn't exactly make me look so attractive or feel good. If I was in good shape and barely had any body fat, I would fit into that dress like nothing. Alas, I don't.

There are also a bunch of other factors that are making me feel this way. FBLA is so busy right now; what with competition, FBLA week, and trying to do a decent job as president. And then there is homework. And everything else in between.

I feel like shit. And I resent everything that has contributed to this exact moment. Thanks.