Ten Thoughts

1. Black Swan was fucking weird. But it was good. I closed my eyes for pretty much all of the unpleasant scenes. Both Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis did a stunning job. And ballet is beautiful.
   
   
2. I don't feel all that different now that we are existing in the year 2011. I feel slightly different, I guess. Eh, kinda, sorta, not really. My only resolution: gym.
   
   
3. I used to be excited to go back to school. Then I was reminded of a personal issue that had developed beneath my fish drama. I'm not really that excited to back to school anymore. Plus, I've become pretty fucking lazy, nowadays. Four weeks is too damned long.
   
   
4. I really, really, really love FictionPress author Tijan. She is just so amazing. I just finished "A Whole New Crowd" and I absolutely loved it. I plan on re-reading "Sentiment Lost" next. My, oh my.
   
   
5. I've been feeling all sorts of emotional pains, lately. It's grating on my nerves. My non-stop thinking is hitting me full-force.
   
   
6. I miss my dollhouse of a home. I miss the city of San Gabriel. I miss my old bedroom. I miss having all my immediate family living under the same roof. I miss my dad.
   
   
7. I remember the first weekend I spent away from school was for the first speech and debate tournament of the season at SFSU. I had missed my floormates and just the campus alone terribly. And I was only gone for three days. I've been without them for four weeks and I don't miss them an ounce. I don't mean to say this with any heat, just a matter of fact. And I feel badly that I don't miss them. But really, how could you blame me? I'm not really part of the clique they've formed. I feel like an outsider whenever I'm with them. How could I miss the people whom, lately, have been seeming to disregard me every time?
   
   I'll admit, however, it is a two-way street. I've been pretty self-absorbed with my own issues. Or rather, issue. I can't help the fact that my one issue really took its toll on me. I am also partly to blame.
   
   I am trying not to care. I am trying to be indifferent. Indifferent to every instance where it is obvious that my floormates absolutely adore my roommate and really don't feel the same way at all about me. It's difficult, though.
   
   Being indifferent is not who I am. It's difficult to go against who you are.
   
   
8. So far, really, every guy in my life has turned out to be a douchebag. No, I take that back. One guy wasn't a douchebag. He's happily with someone else. And I'm happy for him. But that was high school. I thought college guys had matured by now?
   
   Ha.
   
   
9. I cannot decide whether or not I want to drop speech and debate. I think I have to wait and see how our first practice after break goes.
   
   
10. I'm hungry.