I felt pretty today.

So I went to sleep at 7:30 PM last night and woke up at 5:45 AM this morning. It was supposed to be a nap.

LOL.

So yeah, I had a bunch of extra time in the morning. One, I finished one of my supplemental essays that I forgot to turn in (LOL, it's all good though). And two, I did my hair. Jeez, takes SUCH a long time. I barely got out of the shower around 6:50 and twirling my hair into dreadlock type things takes twenty minutes. Then I gotta blow dry it because there's not enough time to just let it air dry. That takes another good twenty minutes. And then there's everything else. So, a lot goes into doing my hair. But I looked pretty today and I felt good. :)

However.

I am no longer a T-Mobile customer but..an AT & T one D: So sad. And what irritates me even more is that because I barely found out AFTER my SIM card stopped working. So. I couldn't copy my contacts to my phone -_______- at least, I'm assuming that's the reason why. So ridic. AND! My Nokia 6301 is a T-MOBILE phone! So I have to get it unlocked! Which I don't know how to do! Meaning, I am without a phone! T.T

this feels familiar

It's like a riding a new roller coaster ride. First, there are the little fun loops and twists that are to be expected, but when and where and how they feel is something you don't know yet. So when you do feel them, it's pretty fucking fun. Suddenly, you're at the highest point with the biggest drop and the craziest rush. Pretty fucking great. After that, it is utterly less exciting. Still a little high from the huge drop, from all the rush, you just kind of just go through the smaller motions after the first few seconds, not noticing that there's no more rush. When it hits you that the ride is over, it's already time to step off, gather your things, and exit. You're happy that you got to ride it because it was so much fun, but disappointed that it ended so soon. A ride that lasts mere seconds, yet, what a time of your life it was. If you wanna give another go at it, you'll have to wait in the incredibly long line for seemingly longer hours.

And then, the cycle repeats.


I don't even like roller coasters. Ain't that a bitch.

Today's gonna be a good day

Ohh, today's gonna be a good, good da-ayy!

..what my thoughts were when I was getting ready in the morning. It's so rare that I begin a day with positive thoughts and everything goes swell. First period, I actually got some work done in the library for our English research paper. Second period, did some TA work and successfully put up a hugee poster (thanks, Jake!), andd got to work a little on my FBL resume. Third period, got some work done. Fourth period, got some work done againn. And lunch, got to eat a delicious slice of Papa John's pizza..(and I didn't eat any junk food prior or after lunch! :DD). Fifth period was cute, got names for reference pages and got to chat with Chrisel and Maggie. Sixth period passed by surprisinglyy quick! I was gonna go walk over to this cell phone place to pick up my FIXED Nokia 6301 (again -.-) but..I got lazy. haha. And. I think I looked nice today, too :) kekeke. Relaxed and filed and buffed and shined my nails while watching the Olympics men's figure skating (GO LYSACEK! and ew, have you heard? he and Nastia Liukin are supposedly dating. she's like a childd!). And now..I'm doing this. Haha. Oh! And Secret Life and MIOBI are on tonight! :D keke.

It was a good day.

An Assumption

I didn't think it was serious. I saw it and I was aware of it but, I didn't think it was serious. I know for sure this isn't serious. But I can't help it.

I need to stop binging on food. Backk to my diet, homeskillettss.

Happy & Sad

I'm in between happy and sad for two totally different reasons. They involve two different parties. Believe me, the reason why I'm sad is something that I would have never foresaw. Never. It's funny. I value it so much but when it comes down to it, I've also got an iron fist. I hope that makes sense because I don't feel like explaining it.

But the reason why I'm happy...♥ I'm not surprised that it's making me happy but just that it's actually..happening. Haha. Now, just hold up. That's not what it sounds like. Srsly. :) Everything is squeaky clean. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Let's see how long this lasts for.

I don't like pestering.

I love you.

I think Emily Jones is amazing. Her voice is just so beautiful!

Today has been an uneventful day. My phone is jacked up again so I went with my cousin to get it fixed. Aiyah.

I'm applying for this thing..I really hope I get accepted into the program. !!

Today felt like summer. A nice summer day though. I loved needing only to wear a wife beater tank top and thin flannel pajama bottoms. ♥

Because it's the thought that counts.

loveasc's motto? slogan? tagline? yeah, yeah? :)

I am no longer on my diet. I can eat as freeellyyy as I wish! Patty's debut was yesterday and it was def. an interesting experience for me. I don't believe I had as much fun as the rest of the crew but that's okayy, I still had fun :) It's kind of hard to believe that it's all over now. No more Saturday morning, Monday or Thursday after school practices! Also, I think I fit into my dress just finee. :)) My dieting/exercise paid off! Though, the dress did get super tight once I began eating the dinner ): haha. And our performance..we messed up the bio intro which was X.x but I think we did pretty well in our waltz! Patty looked beautifullll in her dress and err'thang. We all looked good. So, overall. It was a nice night.

But. I am pretty fucking pissed right now. I really wanted to go to my aunt's for Chinese New Year's. But my parents and brother are being douchebags and are too lazy to take me. ugh.

SO EXCITED

seriously. i'm gonna launch loveasc by summer! i WILL. the support from the lovelies linxi and anna will get me through it. i am SO excited!

btw.

KEViN (9:56:16 PM): i pretty much forked up the 15 and never did anything
KEViN (9:56:18 PM): well then again
KEViN (9:56:25 PM): you extorted the money out of me
asc (9:56:28 PM): <3
KEViN (9:56:44 PM): NO
KEViN (9:56:46 PM): ITS NOT GONNA WORK
KEViN (9:57:03 PM): I AM IMMUNE TO THE LESS-THAN-THREE SYMBOL
asc (9:57:56 PM): ♥
asc (9:58:03 PM): ♥
KEViN (9:59:10 PM): wow
asc (9:59:23 PM): FROM ME TO YOU
asc (9:59:25 PM): there
asc (9:59:30 PM): don't say i never gave you anything
asc (9:59:35 PM): CAUSE I JUST GAVE YOU MY HEART

it's unbelievable

how happy this is making me. it was such a long shot in the beginning. but then. it's all working out.

loveasc ftw.

cute fun

i miss this--this "cute fun." i've forgotten how enjoyable conversations can be when it's all cute fun. i know this cute fun will end soon, but it's okay. i'm enjoying it while it lastss.

patty's debut is this saturday! i'm excited! and at the same time, i can't wait for everything to be over. my dad won't have anything to piss at me about anymore. not that it matters, he's leaving for burma on the 17th for a "long while." i'll missss him.

my cousin just called. she'll be here in twenty minutes with my fixeddd nokia 6301 :) ♥

YES!

Getting my Nokia 6301 fixed!! Should be ready by Tuesday. I'm excited :)

I can't.

I can't do this anymore. I can't try to diet and try to workout to lose weight to fit in a dress. I would love to just go back to downtown and get the more appropriate size but I don't think there is enough time. I don't get it. The bust fit me perfectly fine at the store..but the one that they had made? Doesn't fit. I tried switching with one of the other girls because I thought she would fit it better than me (she seems a lot smallerr than me!) but I guess she didn't fit..? And then she got angry? I think. I don't blame her; I would be, too, if some girl took my dress.

So, not only am I not going to fit in with everyone else, I'm not going to fit into my dress either. I'm going to look fat and gross. I know the night isn't about me at all; I fully understand that. But I still want to look at least decent. And if I decide to turn the dress into something else so I can wear it more than once? This eighty-dollar dress is an investment, not just a dress for special occasions. I'm already f-ed with lack of money. I have to make this dress worth it. Because no matter how much the night is not about me, the preparation for the night to be a success has really f-ed me over with family stress and problems.

I can't lose weight. I've been dieting for two weeks now (although, there were a few momentary lapses but my overall calorie and carbohydrate intake has considerably decreased). How much have I lost? Well, let's just say that the max weight that I fluctuate to has only decreased about four pounds.

I have a nice body. I have the "desired hourglass body shape." I just have excess fat that doesn't exactly make me look so attractive or feel good. If I was in good shape and barely had any body fat, I would fit into that dress like nothing. Alas, I don't.

There are also a bunch of other factors that are making me feel this way. FBLA is so busy right now; what with competition, FBLA week, and trying to do a decent job as president. And then there is homework. And everything else in between.

I feel like shit. And I resent everything that has contributed to this exact moment. Thanks.

It's Tiresome

I am trying so hard to not make it about me. Because it's not. But I can't help the way I feel. I can't help my current personal life situation. I can't help the way things are playing out. I feel like there's nobody there from where I used to be. The old clan. Where are they? They're there but they are not really there. I see them but they don't see me. This tires me over and over again and I continue to take it. It's my fault, too, though. Like how I answered one of my formspring questions: my biggest insecurity are my people skills. They travel up and down the spectrum way too often and not at the most desired moments.

What were to happen if I suddenly just disappeared? Me and my whole family? Just picked up our things and moved out without a single word to friends or family? Not even any hints or goodbyes? Would chaos ensue? Would resentment grow because of the inconvenience it may cause for them? Will hearts break at the most dangerous thought about the reasoning of such a disappearance? Or, will indifference take the place of the hollow feelings of love and friendship once stored? Will the lives that we used to affect continue as normal? Will we have left no footprints, no significance, with those we mingled with?

I can smell my mother's delicious cooking. I must go and pounce on the feast.

loveasc

i am thinking of starting my own business called "loveasc." hm. i'm really contemplating it but i reallyyy don't know. i'm really scared. i don't want to humiliate myself when i advertise myself all over Facebook and Twitter and like..i get no customers! idkk!