Thank You.

every single instance where i am excluded, ignored, looked over, underestimated, not given a second look..it's like a punch in the gut.

it's never me. i'm never The Girl. i'm barely The Friend. i'm just..there. who happens to talk and share personal stories a lot. there isn't something i want to just be.

i'm not beautiful. i'm not hot. i'm not cute. i may have my moments just like every other person out there, but. i'm just Not. am i insecure? sure. am i confident? i can be; i have those moments as well.

when 8th grade ended, i was glad to be entering a new district with new people. i wanted a fresh start. i wanted to start over. i could have been anybody i wanted to be and nobody would have ever known. except, now i realize that i wasn't mature enough to have started over. i wasn't in tact with myself in order to actually change it. but now that high school is ending. well, hopefully i get to attend an OOS school where i can rid myself of EVERYTHING that high school came with. that includes the drama. and the people.

early in the 2009 year, i didn't want to live. i didn't care about all the people around who supposedly loved and care for me. i wasn't being a coward because i felt that life was too hard to live. i simply just didn't care. i became apathetic towards life. and i felt i was just wasting my time living it. that's why i didn't care to live any longer.

right now, i am having similar feelings about high school. all those people who supposedly love me and care for me..who am i kidding? not enough has been proven/shown to me to alter my perspective at the moment.

to all of my friends, thank you for not trying. thank you for excluding me from events that i eventually find out about. thank you for not making me a part of your life by withholding personal information. thank you for being my friend. thank you for preventing me from being your friend. from being a true friend.

thank you for allowing me to feel this way.

thank you for the Nothing you have given me.