Since the start of the year, I was all about meeting new people, making new friends, and really fostering friendships with my floormates. Now, I just don't care. I don't care not because I don't care to be their friend anymore, I don't care because..I just don't have the energy. I'll hear them laughing and having a good time in the hallway and I'll think to myself "that's nice, but I don't necessarily need to be a part of it." I guess you can say I've grown apathetic to the people around me. Keeping to myself. Getting drunk doesn't even appeal to me anymore. The fact that alcohol is loaded with calories doesn't help either.
Within the past two weeks, I've discovered that drinking doesn't help "solve" any of my problems nor does it make me feel even an ounce better about whatever it is that I'm upset about. The want to drink doesn't dull the pangs of odd feelings in my chest. I'll feel this void and I know that drinking won't fill it. I wish it did, though.
Leaving me to my own devices is not good. I think way too fucking much and that just gets me super fucking moody. I need to be occupied. Distracted. But there's no one here who I feel can help me do that. '
Douchebags.
I understand your need to find someone you can relate to and can confide in. And I agree that alcohol is not the answer. It never solves anything. I also understand hte need to be doing something that way your mind doesn't wander and think about things that maybe upsetting.
ReplyDeleteI do hope that you can find someone over at UOP that you can talk to and that can help you take your mind off of all the shizz around you.