The 2010 California FBLA State Leadership Conference

What can I say? It was amazing. I absolutely loved it. And it sucks that it was my last one.

What made it so incredible was that, even though I didn't network at all, I bonded with my roommates and my Summit kids.

THURSDAY
After we got to the Hyatt and checked in, we went to The District. Me, Anna, Maggie, and Cecilia went to Chic Fil-A first to get some free fooood and then to In-N-Out where we saw a cute paramedic ;) hahaha. Also where some random white guy was talking to us, "Justin Bieber disgusts me." lawl. Got back to the hotel and I got ready for FBL. The test actually wasn't as hard as I thought it'd be but I didn't know everything either. Needless to say, I didn't make top ten.

What I love about the first day is seeing everyone for the first time in months, namely the Summit kids. I swear, even though I haven't spent a lot of time with most of them, I love them like crazy. I guess I attach myself easily to 'families.' The first person I was was..Kavya? And then it was just a bunch of others after that :)

I bought red nail polish from Ulta when we were at the District. SUCH a pretty red. So, I painted my nails an actual color for the first time in like..6 years. Yeah, srsly. haha. My fingernails are beautiful :) Even Anna says that they are "too perfect." Kekeke.

FRIDAY
Woke up at 5:30! To take a shower and we watched Blaine Vedros's workshop for FIDM! First time watching his whole workshop. It's pretty good! All the ladies loved him, for sure. lawl. And then..OPENING SESSION :) There is something to be said about being backstage of an audience over 1,400 people. haha. And then, well, I don't really remembered what happened after opening session. I think we triedd to take a picture but then they kicked us out and I lingered for a bit with someone..? Had some yummy ramen noodles in my roooom for lunch andd..I really can't remember. Haha. OH! I remember now. Babysat the questions table for voting delegates and just chilled with some Central and Inland kids. I think. Thenn rehearsed a LITTLE for the section meeting. OH! COSTCO PIZZA FOR DINNER! Sounds a little ghetto I lurved itt.

The section meeting went okay. Inductions was kind of sad, haha. I'm no longer a section officer? So weird to think about. But I have to say, I really loved being on the section team. I love how we were only a team of 5, we grew pretty close :) We had pretty awesome spirit gear though - glow-in-the-dark "GOLD COAST FBLA" bracelets. hehe. :) Everyone lovedd them. And I think we started selling them for $1/each after to other members? hahaa. We should have put "beat southern" on it. lawl.

Friday night, I couldn't dance at the dance =/ At first I thought I had to ticket collect because that's what Devang told me but only state officers needed to do it. So, at 10:45, I left to go prepare for business presentation. -___- so dumb how we only got actual critiques the night BEFORE. Ugh. I missed the dance to work on something that only earned us EIGHTH FUCKING PLACE. -__-

SATURDAY
Competed for Business Presentation. I thought we did well. But I guess we didn't. After we competed and a few others in their own events, we went to the Harvard Square - sat with Catherine Dang! lols. I don't know, not much to say about this day. Just got back to the hotel, showered again, and got ready for awards. I had a totally cute/hot dress but I guess it was too much (or too little, lawl) because then I was told to change. At first I was really pissed and a little embarrassed but it's okay, the dress I changed into wasn't that bad anyway. I still looked good :) So yeah. 8th place bpres -__- but FIFTH place for LCBAR! TAKE THAT BITCHES! Last year, we barely got 8th place in LCABR! HA! Seriously, fifth is SO good when you think about it. Because it's after Live Oak (where the board of directors head person, Mrs. N, is from), then the powerhouse chapters Homestead and Lynbrook and then Redwood (who alwaysss does well in LCABR). Pretty damned good. No bitch can say shit to me now. Other highlights: Anna getting THIRD in Public Speaking II and Kristine getting THIRD in Word Processing II and then..Oliver placing FIRST in Impromptu! THAS WASSUUPP! Except, he's can't even go to nationals =/ Meaning, I may not be able to go either. I didn't qualify but I am still able to accept my America award there. Sigh =/

We finally took our section/state officers picture! It's pretty nice :) hehe, but I have to say. I loveeee the picture I took with all the guys! ;)

Awards dance was lame. There was still the problem of turning the lights off. So dumb. I don't even want to explain it.

SUNDAY
I got up early to start packing and shiz. I also totally forgot about my Fujifilm instant camera (aka polaroids) so I went around taking pictures with people. I realy miss everyone. I reallyyyyy do. Seriously, I won't see any of them ever again.

SLC '10 was fun. But I have to say, I think I had more fun at SLC '09. SLC '10 was fun in that I got to hang out with the summit kids and everything but I really loved SLC '09. I wish I could combine the two and relive it. It's hard to think that I'll never experience another FBLA SLC ever again. I really love FBLA and I will truly miss everyone I've met. I love my section team and I love all the close friends I've made from other sections. lol, I don't mind my chapter team. It's okay. Sorry. Anyways. It's senior year.

Nervous

Not nervous as in anxiety-attack-worthy-nervous. Just. Nervous. That we won't qualify to nationals for business presentation. Just like how I'm pissed I didn't place first in FBL at section, I'm going to be so pissed if we don't place at least 2nd at state for BP. I'll also be heartbroken.

We need to fucking practice TOGETHER. Fucking a. State is gonna be a bust.

Don't Trust Me (You)

Maybe I do have trust issues.

See, I can be a gullible person sometimes. Which leads to my fear of being made a fool out of. So, sometimes, I have a difficult time believing someone when they tell me something that either doesn't really matter like what hair product they use or if it's something pretty serious like..one of their family members are in the hospital or something. Of course, it depends on each case and each circumstance.

I can't stress more that when someone fucks up and loses my trust, the face of our friendship may revive but the trust does not. And it sucks because it's not like I choose to not believe a word they say or to not be able to rely on them but I just..can't. There is always a doubt in my mind.

How do I know when people are telling the truth? How can I believe them when it ends up that they keep so much from me? How can I rely on them when they can be such flakes? All of this constant questioning that goes in my head just leads me to be extremely fed up.

I don't always have to be the understandable person.

This does not rock at all.

So, so not cool. My family cannot afford for me to attend CU Boulder. Ugh. My mom wants me to go to the University of the Pacific since it's home to one of the top pharmacy programs in the nation - even though I was accepted for graphic design. Sigh. I REALLY want to go to CUB! I think I would've had a great time and education there! Aiyah. Especially after talking with a Colorado resident, already, who iss going to CUB and would've been a potential roommate ):

Pacific gave me the most money so it also makes sense that I go there. Donald is there so I won't be totallyyy alone but Stockton, CA?! I really just want to be able to have the best time that I can.

But awayy from the subject of college,

Spring break was kind of nice! Let's see, what did I do?
Saturday - Multi-chapter social with Alhambra FBLA
Sunday - Forest Lawn with the family and then Newport Beach with the cousins afterward
Monday - Business Presentation work day
Tuesday - mm, nothing?
Wednesday - MAX review session for FBLA at the SG library in the morning
Thursday - Sad, sad day and did nothing
Friday - Shopped for state awards dress at the Santa Anita mall with Maggie
Saturday - Hung out with Cally for kinda the whole day
Sunday - Lunch at my aunt's house with my cousins

OH. Dude. So Cally and I went to Yogurtland and after like 15 min? IN WALKED FIRE CAPTION JEFFREY ROY! haha! And a bunch of other firefighters that I didn't know and didn't introduce myself to >.< But it was so cool to see him! We talked for a few minutes and I told him how I was going to CU Boulder even though now I'm not..but yeah. I love my firefighters♥

No Good.

I am not good enough for anyone, anything, any place. I know that and I am not wallowing in self-pity but I am disappointed for I have not only let myself down but my family as well. No matter how hard I try, I just can't push myself to work hard for academia. I can't work hard for things I'm not passionate about. I'm passionate about greeting cards and graphic design which is why I can do so well in it. But academia? Nope. Hopefully, I can discover a passion for it in college.

It looks like I'm going to the University of Colorado at Boulder. I look at forums of which dorms are the best and I get a little excited. I'm just hoping that I get a lot of money so I actually cann go. Ugh, hopefully, everything works out. Because I had to submit a correction for my FAFSA, I need to call into CUB's office of FA to see if my FA rewards and stuff change. Once I know the final details, I'll tell my parents and I'll be good to go. Really. I'm kind of excited :)

Over

It's spring break and the most exciting thing I've done is go to Newport Beach with my cousins (which was actually pretty fun). I totally wasted my day today. And I don't know. I just really need some cheering up; but I am so confused as to who I should turn to for that. I'm a little lost.