Yesterday was so legittt! :) In the morning, we went to Forest Lawn for the whole something of the dead, it's called "ching ming" for the month of March? idk. But dude, I have neverrrr seen SO many families near us before! This one family literally brought a roasted pig--with the head and everything. I half-expected an apple in the roasted pig's mouth. loll. Then, as always, impromtu cousin hang out!
We went out to Newport beach and oh my gahhh! SO MANY CUTE GUYS! Seriousssslly! They were EVERYWHERE. :)) We barely got to the beach around 3:30 though so the sun wasn't very strong andd it was pretty windy and cold. We left the beach around 5 and walked to this pizza place called Laventino's. Dude, the workers there are freaking cutee. They are all young dudes with tattoos. haha. AND! This one lifeguard who walked in..whew ;) The pizza was pretty good, too. haha.
Laventino's doesn't have space to dine so we walked to a nearby McDonald's and ate outside after getting some fries. hehe. Fries and pizza. Pretty dammned good. Then, got some ice cream cones and walked back to the car. Fuck, it was cold! lawl. After getting to the car, we covered up more with towels and then walked the five blocks to my cousin's boyfriend's place. He is so tall and my cousin is so short. rofl. The comparison is very amusing. Anyways, walked two blocks to the beach and watched the sunset and walked along the shore and then went back to the boyfriend's for some "beer on the patio." lawl.
Dick, it was sooo legit. I always see people chillin and partyin on the patios in Long Beach and Newport anddd I was finally one of them! haha! It was really cool. Very legit way to start of spring break (even though I kind of started it with the FBLA social, loll).
I barely got darker, though. We're going to hit another beach, hopefully this week. Maybe Manhattan or Laguna? Still deciding. Hehe. :)
Monday, March 29, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Emotions
Just a bunch of them running through me all day.
1. Today, in English class, we had to do a quickwrite on our most traumatic experience. I wrote about what happened just recently. And as I was writing it, first I felt the hurt. Then, I felt the anger. I just became more angry and angry as I wrote about what happened. The feeling of resentment, betrayal, and utter shock now resides within me. I don't like it.
2. I am getting anxious for college admission decisions. One week from tomorrow, I will know my future.
3. I don't know what to think. I'm so confused. I'm so hesitant. I'm such a "feeler" (ENFP)!
4. FBLA is driving me nuts. LCABR is still not completed. State is in less than a month. And recently, I discovered that a video of the FBL awarding is on YouTube. There are a bunch of "omg she's so funny" comments about my hyperventilating. I wasn't hyperventilating just 'cause I was nervous, you insensitive douchebags. Honestly, I understand that he's proud of the video, but couldn't he at leastt considered me? -___- Because I keep watching it and reliving it; that, in itself, was a traumatizing event for me.
5. I should've applied for the Byron L. Bates FBLA Scholarship this year. I'm so fucking stupid. I didn't even remember to apply but after learning that I probably could've gotten it, I'm so mad.
6. Linxi might be sleeping over Thursday night. :)) I hope she does! I'm so excited.
7. MCDA tomorroww! :DD
8. I should talk to her. Tell her what's up. I should be the bigger person and just be fair and courteous.
9. My period totally skipped a month. When I told my sister that I was still waiting for it, she was like "did you have sex?" and I'm like..-_____- No. haha. I just got it like..RIGHT NOW! Good thing I didn't leak. lawl. TMI? Probably.
10. And right this second, I just learned that a schoolmate (because I've never talked to him before or met him) just...well, my troubles are extremely less significant than his. Hell, they aren't even considered troubles in comparison! Well, not that they should be compared anyway.. =/ I really feel for him though. My condolences.
1. Today, in English class, we had to do a quickwrite on our most traumatic experience. I wrote about what happened just recently. And as I was writing it, first I felt the hurt. Then, I felt the anger. I just became more angry and angry as I wrote about what happened. The feeling of resentment, betrayal, and utter shock now resides within me. I don't like it.
2. I am getting anxious for college admission decisions. One week from tomorrow, I will know my future.
3. I don't know what to think. I'm so confused. I'm so hesitant. I'm such a "feeler" (ENFP)!
4. FBLA is driving me nuts. LCABR is still not completed. State is in less than a month. And recently, I discovered that a video of the FBL awarding is on YouTube. There are a bunch of "omg she's so funny" comments about my hyperventilating. I wasn't hyperventilating just 'cause I was nervous, you insensitive douchebags. Honestly, I understand that he's proud of the video, but couldn't he at leastt considered me? -___- Because I keep watching it and reliving it; that, in itself, was a traumatizing event for me.
5. I should've applied for the Byron L. Bates FBLA Scholarship this year. I'm so fucking stupid. I didn't even remember to apply but after learning that I probably could've gotten it, I'm so mad.
6. Linxi might be sleeping over Thursday night. :)) I hope she does! I'm so excited.
7. MCDA tomorroww! :DD
8. I should talk to her. Tell her what's up. I should be the bigger person and just be fair and courteous.
9. My period totally skipped a month. When I told my sister that I was still waiting for it, she was like "did you have sex?" and I'm like..-_____- No. haha. I just got it like..RIGHT NOW! Good thing I didn't leak. lawl. TMI? Probably.
10. And right this second, I just learned that a schoolmate (because I've never talked to him before or met him) just...well, my troubles are extremely less significant than his. Hell, they aren't even considered troubles in comparison! Well, not that they should be compared anyway.. =/ I really feel for him though. My condolences.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The Distance
By Cake. Very interesting song.
But, ahh. The distance I've traveled with the LCABR! Like, holy shit. It totally took over my life for the past week. I must've put over 60+ hours into it! The only plus out of totally redesigning it and stuff is that I totally fell in love with Adobe InDesign CS4 :) I only downloaded the trial version but yeahh. It's almost done done!
Now. Just Future Business Leader and Business Presentation. HEHE. Hopefully, I'll be going up on stage three times instead of just two :)
Oh. And the stupid research paper for English class -______- I am super mad that our teacher is the ONLY one doing the research paper, too! AIYEUH. At least, that's what I've heard so far. ASDFGH ugh. Rough draft is due tomorrow for peer edit. But really, peer edit is such a joke. No offense, but since I'm in regular English, getting peer edits by my classmates isn't that helpful. And it's 10 PM right now, I need to do 5 pages 1.5 spacing. Time to BS. Not like my 'peers' would notice anyway? Probably not.
But, ahh. The distance I've traveled with the LCABR! Like, holy shit. It totally took over my life for the past week. I must've put over 60+ hours into it! The only plus out of totally redesigning it and stuff is that I totally fell in love with Adobe InDesign CS4 :) I only downloaded the trial version but yeahh. It's almost done done!
Now. Just Future Business Leader and Business Presentation. HEHE. Hopefully, I'll be going up on stage three times instead of just two :)
Oh. And the stupid research paper for English class -______- I am super mad that our teacher is the ONLY one doing the research paper, too! AIYEUH. At least, that's what I've heard so far. ASDFGH ugh. Rough draft is due tomorrow for peer edit. But really, peer edit is such a joke. No offense, but since I'm in regular English, getting peer edits by my classmates isn't that helpful. And it's 10 PM right now, I need to do 5 pages 1.5 spacing. Time to BS. Not like my 'peers' would notice anyway? Probably not.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Ten Thoughts
1. LINXI WU WHERE THE FRACK ARE YOU?! -_________-
2. DISLIKE. I can't believe it. Really. For a while, I was chill with everything. Then, circumstances changed and everything has shifted into a whole new direction. One, of which, I wholly dislike. I guess this is where my green eyes come in to play (referencing to one of my Facebook photos haha).
3. My Toshiba laptop is ruined. I can barely use it. I am now stuck with my brother's old Acer. It's disgusting.
4. I need to lose weight. I was so tiny freshman year and earlier. I want that body back.
5. I would love to talk to him on the phone. But that DB won't do it. I don't like him anymore but he is my friend.
6. It's also partly my fault because they don't know that they're out. Somebody keeps ruining my day. I don't like it. Because it still hurts. Somebody misses me? Said person shouldn't. Because the sentiment is not returned. I'm being harsh - that's just how shit is.
7. I don't think I'll get into my dream school.
8. The other somebody, while I love this somebody and adore this somebody, has been on my nerves and we've drifted apart. It really saddens me as my senior year is coming to an end and I won't be able to spend the great moments left with this somebody.
9. I stopped liking him because of the lack of interaction. I thought he was at least interested because of some other factors. But now? I don't know.
10. I've dropped my phone one too many times. Now, it randomly turns off. It really pisses me off.
2. DISLIKE. I can't believe it. Really. For a while, I was chill with everything. Then, circumstances changed and everything has shifted into a whole new direction. One, of which, I wholly dislike. I guess this is where my green eyes come in to play (referencing to one of my Facebook photos haha).
3. My Toshiba laptop is ruined. I can barely use it. I am now stuck with my brother's old Acer. It's disgusting.
4. I need to lose weight. I was so tiny freshman year and earlier. I want that body back.
5. I would love to talk to him on the phone. But that DB won't do it. I don't like him anymore but he is my friend.
6. It's also partly my fault because they don't know that they're out. Somebody keeps ruining my day. I don't like it. Because it still hurts. Somebody misses me? Said person shouldn't. Because the sentiment is not returned. I'm being harsh - that's just how shit is.
7. I don't think I'll get into my dream school.
8. The other somebody, while I love this somebody and adore this somebody, has been on my nerves and we've drifted apart. It really saddens me as my senior year is coming to an end and I won't be able to spend the great moments left with this somebody.
9. I stopped liking him because of the lack of interaction. I thought he was at least interested because of some other factors. But now? I don't know.
10. I've dropped my phone one too many times. Now, it randomly turns off. It really pisses me off.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Firefighters ♥
Today, we walked over to the fire station to present them with a thank you card for their donation to FBLA and they gave us a tour! It. Was. FUN. haha! I got to see "my guys" today! LOL! Jeff, Dave, and Eric! Wow, I really missed them! They are really awesome people. I'm totally in love with them :) hehe.
So we were about to take a group picture with them three when all of a sudden..they got a call! And they were like, let's hurry and take the picture! And we were like..but don't you need to go save people?! lol! Then it turned out to be a fire call so they had to leave right away. After we watched them drive out, I walked Maggie home and then walked to Yogurtland. By myself. lawl. Dude, right after I got inside and started getting some froyo, firefighters walked in! LOL! Here are the texts I exchanged with Monica while this was happening, it should explain everything. haha.
A: So, after walking maggie home, i decided to go to yogurtland. AND THE FIREFIGHTERS ARE HERE TOO! Lol! But different ones. Hahah
M: HAHAHAA HOW COOOOOL!!
A: LOL NO AWKWARD! Haha cause i'm here by myself! And I don't know these people! Haha
M: Meet them !! :) and the fire was near Gab haha
A: No! So weird! I'm not thatt outgoing! And I've already sat down here by myself! And I would have no idea what to say! I'm nervous when i'm by myself! And wow. so many !s ! Lol!
M: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA :)
A: Man, i wish it were dave, eric, and jeff! Haha
M: Yeahh then it'd be easier for you to talk to them hahah
A: WOW THEY TOOK THE TRUCK HERE! Should i ask for a ride hom? Hahaha
M: DARE YOUUUUUUU
A: HAHA FUCK NO!
M: HAHAHAHA :)
A: Sigh, if only it were the other three! Man! I wish i had one of their numbers so i could've texted them WHY AREN'T YOU HERE TOO! Because I sooo wanted to! Hahaha
M: I knowwww. Would've been so cool! Haha
A: Mon, i'm totally in love with three firefighters!
M: LOLLLL. they are verrrrrry cool.
Ahahahahaha :))
So we were about to take a group picture with them three when all of a sudden..they got a call! And they were like, let's hurry and take the picture! And we were like..but don't you need to go save people?! lol! Then it turned out to be a fire call so they had to leave right away. After we watched them drive out, I walked Maggie home and then walked to Yogurtland. By myself. lawl. Dude, right after I got inside and started getting some froyo, firefighters walked in! LOL! Here are the texts I exchanged with Monica while this was happening, it should explain everything. haha.
A: So, after walking maggie home, i decided to go to yogurtland. AND THE FIREFIGHTERS ARE HERE TOO! Lol! But different ones. Hahah
M: HAHAHAA HOW COOOOOL!!
A: LOL NO AWKWARD! Haha cause i'm here by myself! And I don't know these people! Haha
M: Meet them !! :) and the fire was near Gab haha
A: No! So weird! I'm not thatt outgoing! And I've already sat down here by myself! And I would have no idea what to say! I'm nervous when i'm by myself! And wow. so many !s ! Lol!
M: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA :)
A: Man, i wish it were dave, eric, and jeff! Haha
M: Yeahh then it'd be easier for you to talk to them hahah
A: WOW THEY TOOK THE TRUCK HERE! Should i ask for a ride hom? Hahaha
M: DARE YOUUUUUUU
A: HAHA FUCK NO!
M: HAHAHAHA :)
A: Sigh, if only it were the other three! Man! I wish i had one of their numbers so i could've texted them WHY AREN'T YOU HERE TOO! Because I sooo wanted to! Hahaha
M: I knowwww. Would've been so cool! Haha
A: Mon, i'm totally in love with three firefighters!
M: LOLLLL. they are verrrrrry cool.
Ahahahahaha :))
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
You're Out
I'm the umpire of my life. If I say you're out, you are out.
Am I being immature about this? Sure. Maybe it's even a little "shady." But that is hardly the word for this kind of a situation. Every time I am faced with interaction or anything that deals with what happened, it hurts. It hurts a lot. Can you blame me for wanting that out of my life? I guess I'm being a coward about this..not confronting the situation like I should. Honestly, I kind of did. Just not completely.
I'll lie and I'll cheat and I'll resort to some shady ways. But I am loyal and I would never dare hurt one of my friends or do something retarded. For the past many years, I believe I have proved my loyalty and worthiness through tough situations and always giving the benefit of the doubt. However, when the tables were turned, I wasn't even given one simple courtesy: telling me that I had done something wrong. Still, in my eyes, in my logical and common sense (which, I have to say, IS very logical and common!), all I did was act in fairness and validity.
I treat others the way I would like to be treated. But in one network of friends, the favor has never returned. And when this sentiment had actually been given life..I am not a doormat. My loyalty and trust are easy to gain and maintain. But screw me over and things will never be the same.
"Forgive and forget." I may seem like I've forgotten it, but make no mistake. I do not forgive.
I'm still hurting. Believe me, I've only felt this hurt, maybe, once in my life that I can remember (which was only summer/fall 2009, actually). And what's worse - this feels worse than that one time.
I am my own umpire and my life is my own playing field. The only difference between my life and a baseball game is that there is only one inning. Once you're out and off the field, you stay out and off the field.
Am I being immature about this? Sure. Maybe it's even a little "shady." But that is hardly the word for this kind of a situation. Every time I am faced with interaction or anything that deals with what happened, it hurts. It hurts a lot. Can you blame me for wanting that out of my life? I guess I'm being a coward about this..not confronting the situation like I should. Honestly, I kind of did. Just not completely.
I'll lie and I'll cheat and I'll resort to some shady ways. But I am loyal and I would never dare hurt one of my friends or do something retarded. For the past many years, I believe I have proved my loyalty and worthiness through tough situations and always giving the benefit of the doubt. However, when the tables were turned, I wasn't even given one simple courtesy: telling me that I had done something wrong. Still, in my eyes, in my logical and common sense (which, I have to say, IS very logical and common!), all I did was act in fairness and validity.
I treat others the way I would like to be treated. But in one network of friends, the favor has never returned. And when this sentiment had actually been given life..I am not a doormat. My loyalty and trust are easy to gain and maintain. But screw me over and things will never be the same.
"Forgive and forget." I may seem like I've forgotten it, but make no mistake. I do not forgive.
I'm still hurting. Believe me, I've only felt this hurt, maybe, once in my life that I can remember (which was only summer/fall 2009, actually). And what's worse - this feels worse than that one time.
I am my own umpire and my life is my own playing field. The only difference between my life and a baseball game is that there is only one inning. Once you're out and off the field, you stay out and off the field.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Three Points
I can't help but obsess over this. I lost FBL to this guy from Walnut HS by THREE POINTS. AND. I got my score sheets today from the two different judges..I got one 173.5 and one (edit 3/11/10*) 153.5*...I'm like...WTS? I got a 7/10 on professional appearance..T.T QQ! I can't really say anything because I actually KNOW that judge, I actually knew both of the judges, but yeah. I don't get it. I would've won FBL. I feel so shitty for not placing first because our chapter has placed first in this event for soooo many years!
The Gold Coast Section Leadership Conference. I'll start from the beginning, yeah?
Got to Alex's house around 4:30ish with Jennifer Friday night. Alex has such a cuuute house! So Arcadian. haha. Finally left around 5? I think? Anywayss. Got to West Ranch HS and began setting up tables in the gym and it wassss kind of fun? haha. I've missed GC kids :)
Went to the hotel, practicedd our scripts and put together stuff. Then. Actually got sleep that not! Not much though, maybe only like three hours? Idk, I slept late. haha.
DAY OF. Woke up an hour late! At 5AM! btw, Holiday Inn Express is pretty niceee. hehe :) I love how Gold Coast is so loaded. Went backkk to WR and set up HQ and errthang elsee.
It rained on us ): Andd my feeet were killing me! It started raining while I was waiting to be interviewed for FBL. I was sooo nervous! But it went pretty well! I felt, at least. Sigh. Stupid 124.5 D: After, I sat in on Blane Vedros's workshop. He's cool! haha. Thenn it was caucus session that I fell asleep during..hehe.
THEN I TOOK MY FBL TEST. AIYEUH. I regret so much not studying at least a few more of those sample tests! As I actually DID see many sample test questions on the actual test! Or just like info from my study materials! Ugh.
So. AWARDS. Totally anxious and it's time for them to call FBL right. The whole time, while on stage, I'm like slowly hyperventilating. Actually, not really. I knew I was going to cry one way or the other, if I won, happy tears. If I lost, sad tears. As the called the places until only two of us were left, my eyes were already watery and my fists were clenched. When they didn't call my name for first, I just broke. I just took the plaque from Leslie and ran backstage and just broke down with another anxiety attack. And not even like a minute later, I had to go back on stage for the outgoing officer team! EVERYONE saw how I was crying and shiz. And my attack actually worsened while I was on stage - I almost had trouble standing. After we got to walk off, I just ran up the stairs to the restroom. Ugh. I calmed down though. Karen, La C, and Ms. Stalley talked to me. I think Leslie was there..? Yeah. Oh, and we got 6th in sweepstakes -______-
Dheemanth promised me dinner at state for all my hard work. I am totally holding him to his promise. hehe.
It was freaking POORING rain outside after awards! I dropped my phone in the rain ): But then I rice-d it and wow. AMAZINGG. It worked! But my laptop is now fucked up ): I don't know what happened. Because I didn't put it in a proper case, just a regular messenger bag. I made sure it was totally safe though. But when I got home and took it out, like half the cover was wet (not really wet, though) but it didn't seem like any water got in..but then, my laptop doesn't stay on for more then 10 minutes at the most. ))): I'm stuck with my brother's old, gross, laptop D: I need to buy a new one.
The Gold Coast Section Leadership Conference. I'll start from the beginning, yeah?
Got to Alex's house around 4:30ish with Jennifer Friday night. Alex has such a cuuute house! So Arcadian. haha. Finally left around 5? I think? Anywayss. Got to West Ranch HS and began setting up tables in the gym and it wassss kind of fun? haha. I've missed GC kids :)
Went to the hotel, practicedd our scripts and put together stuff. Then. Actually got sleep that not! Not much though, maybe only like three hours? Idk, I slept late. haha.
DAY OF. Woke up an hour late! At 5AM! btw, Holiday Inn Express is pretty niceee. hehe :) I love how Gold Coast is so loaded. Went backkk to WR and set up HQ and errthang elsee.
It rained on us ): Andd my feeet were killing me! It started raining while I was waiting to be interviewed for FBL. I was sooo nervous! But it went pretty well! I felt, at least. Sigh. Stupid 124.5 D: After, I sat in on Blane Vedros's workshop. He's cool! haha. Thenn it was caucus session that I fell asleep during..hehe.
THEN I TOOK MY FBL TEST. AIYEUH. I regret so much not studying at least a few more of those sample tests! As I actually DID see many sample test questions on the actual test! Or just like info from my study materials! Ugh.
So. AWARDS. Totally anxious and it's time for them to call FBL right. The whole time, while on stage, I'm like slowly hyperventilating. Actually, not really. I knew I was going to cry one way or the other, if I won, happy tears. If I lost, sad tears. As the called the places until only two of us were left, my eyes were already watery and my fists were clenched. When they didn't call my name for first, I just broke. I just took the plaque from Leslie and ran backstage and just broke down with another anxiety attack. And not even like a minute later, I had to go back on stage for the outgoing officer team! EVERYONE saw how I was crying and shiz. And my attack actually worsened while I was on stage - I almost had trouble standing. After we got to walk off, I just ran up the stairs to the restroom. Ugh. I calmed down though. Karen, La C, and Ms. Stalley talked to me. I think Leslie was there..? Yeah. Oh, and we got 6th in sweepstakes -______-
Dheemanth promised me dinner at state for all my hard work. I am totally holding him to his promise. hehe.
It was freaking POORING rain outside after awards! I dropped my phone in the rain ): But then I rice-d it and wow. AMAZINGG. It worked! But my laptop is now fucked up ): I don't know what happened. Because I didn't put it in a proper case, just a regular messenger bag. I made sure it was totally safe though. But when I got home and took it out, like half the cover was wet (not really wet, though) but it didn't seem like any water got in..but then, my laptop doesn't stay on for more then 10 minutes at the most. ))): I'm stuck with my brother's old, gross, laptop D: I need to buy a new one.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
MARCH
Holy fucking crap it's MARCH! 'Tis the month to be stressed, sad, and jolly! Stressed for FBLA. Sad for college rejections. Jolly for college acceptances. Haha. Section is thissss Saturday. I'm ssso nervous for FBL. But I am so excited, too! Also because section officers are staying over night to set up and errthang. Hehe.
Today was funn. Went to a teacher's career conference and rep'd FBLA for the CTSO booth with Linxi and Leslie. Linxi's a fucking powerhouse, dude. haha. So yeah, our shift was at 7:15 AM! In Garden Grove! I planned to wake up at 4:30 but woke up at 5:30 instead >.< 'Cause Leslie had to pick me up around 6ish. But I haddd it. haha. So yeah, got to the conference and a bunch of FFA kids were there which was weird because I thought it was only going to be FBLA but yeah. Then La C came to take me and Leslie back but we decided to get some grubb. Linxi came with :) Went to IHOP! Oh. Dude. Today reminded me of nationals! Because we drove through Anaheim and everything. lawl. Yeah. Told La C to drop me off at home first because I wanted to change out of my section uniform. Got home like at 12:15ish and just crashedd. Didn't go back to school until after for a meeting.
I got my America award :)
Today was funn. Went to a teacher's career conference and rep'd FBLA for the CTSO booth with Linxi and Leslie. Linxi's a fucking powerhouse, dude. haha. So yeah, our shift was at 7:15 AM! In Garden Grove! I planned to wake up at 4:30 but woke up at 5:30 instead >.< 'Cause Leslie had to pick me up around 6ish. But I haddd it. haha. So yeah, got to the conference and a bunch of FFA kids were there which was weird because I thought it was only going to be FBLA but yeah. Then La C came to take me and Leslie back but we decided to get some grubb. Linxi came with :) Went to IHOP! Oh. Dude. Today reminded me of nationals! Because we drove through Anaheim and everything. lawl. Yeah. Told La C to drop me off at home first because I wanted to change out of my section uniform. Got home like at 12:15ish and just crashedd. Didn't go back to school until after for a meeting.
I got my America award :)
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